fifty butts

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a lot of butts if you ask me

feeling happy and cozy and sleepy

i held a sweet angel baby for the majority of the day

watched her sleep soundly with the odd squirm here and there

she would open her eyes to check in with the real world and then resort back to her peaceful slumber

when I returned home I felt just as sleepy as her and resorted to the couch

where phannie jumped up and said hello… only to ask me to feed her, asap.

i replied ‘you’re my baby, phantom’, and led her to her food dish.

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pizza pocket

08.17 – sackville NB

this is a hashtag throwback post of a pizza pocket (not a pizza pop) caught on disposable film. I have so. many. questions. why would somebody abandon this highly prestigious, microwaveable snack? jesus. this reminds me, I miss summer, I miss the freedom and smells and feelings. i miss seeing pizza pockets on railings, i miss swimming and warmth. October pre seasonal depression kicking in strong, just going to sit back and let it permeate. turning 27 soon, woah woah no way! can’t handle this number right now, or can i? 27 isn’t so bad is it? ok, bye my loves.

-on the cusp of turning 27 and feeling seasonally depressed. J.

 

 

 

melancholy monday

Hi all

What an interesting time in my life it has been. I’ve been working on school everyday for a month it seems, feeling really fed up with the ‘life sucking’ effect that school has on me. I like to learn, I am grateful to be a student who gets the ever so lucky privilege of walking around a campus and sitting in nice study areas with cubicles. I feel the most grateful when I have my very own cubicle with a light that senses your touch, and turns on.

I am 26 and in my first year of university, it feels weird and completely out of character for me (still). I am constantly wondering when it won’t feel strange, when I will just settle into my comfortable role as a student.  I don’t think it will ever happen, and I hope that’s okay. I find myself hating  a lot of things about school life, things that make me feel like I don’t belong in university. One thing is being confined in dungeon like classrooms with fluorescent lighting, I just can’t for the life of me like being in class like that, I feel extremely unhappy in certain classrooms like this. Another thing is students? I just don’t know what’s happening to the minds of younger people, I am not very old, but I feel old as the goddamn hills when I go to school.

It’s monday night, I’m feeling useless and sad, but tomorrow it’s Tuesday and maybe it will be better. I have so much more to say but my eyes are slowly shutting.

‘Call me by your name’ is the only thing keeping me going these past few weeks. NOSTALGIA.

 

J.

bellybutton sparkle

Before bed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror to see how bloated I was because boy, did I ever feel bloated and/or possibly pregnant (99.9% unlikely). I looked at my belly and noticed a little sparkle deep in my belly button that was catching the light and sparkling ever so slightly. This was peculiar for me, but also special because it’s not often that a person finds a sparkle hidden inside their belly button.

J

 

Friday night menstration

Here I am, on this new bloggerooo. I can’t say that I’m familiar with pouring thoughts out onto the internet, but here I am. Here we go.
It’s cold and brisk today outside of my apartment.. I only left because I had to, which is usually the case, especially in the winter. I’ve been reading Maria Bamford’s blog this week and it’s prompted me to start my own, and to be honest, it feels pretty nice. Feels safe and non judgmental already, maybe that’s cuz no one knows it exists. I love this already.

Maria Bamford has been my comfort person this week, I’ve found great clarity in listening to her comedy and reading her blog where she publicly shares her writing experience and sketch ideas with those who wish to check in.  I love how she seems like such a normal everyday human trying to make it through the next few hours. Not only is she real and authentic, but she’s hilarious, and her sketches seem to always resonate with me. I guess she helps me feel less stressed about my life. Thanks, Maria.

Tonight I got my period for the first time in over a year and I’ve got to say,  I felt relieved and comforted to see those little pink spots in the toilet bowl. My body is working naturally and although my uterus is an ASSHOLE, my body still works, so there’s that. I suffer from a uterine disease called endometriosis which pretty much entails that uterus tissue grows outside of the uterus. It can grow on organs, the abdominal wall, and rarely on your lungs and even your brain! This tissue swells up and sheds blood during the menstrual cycle, along with your uterus and therefore causes quite a lot of pain. I can assure you that I will often bring up endometriosis because it needs to be brought up, and It’s a part of my life, it’s a part of my weird little life.

Another little tidbit about my night is that I brushed my long haired kitty cat for about 20 minutes which is when she attacked my hand. I was not upset as I would probably have done the same thing if I were her, and wouldn’t have lasted 20 minutes. Big accomplishment I’d say, and I can’t wait to see her fluffy little coat once she feels like hanging out with me again.

So, this has been fun! I feel like I am going to curl up into a ball now and think about happy things if I can, and watch some stupid comedy on TV because I love falling asleep to the light of the television on a Friday night. To anyone that may read this some day, thanks for reading my first ever blog post, I really think that’s cool of you.

– J